Thursday, May 24, 2012

the one focused on failure

There are times when I simply mess up. Whether I accidentally break something that I love (goodbye cake dome, cupcake holder, awesome goblet, etc etc), or I sin purposely - I mess up all the time.

I recently pulled a doozy. I won't go into details but oh man was I feeling terrible. I just kept thinking "What if I had done this instead? I wish I could go back and change it and just NOT mess up!" I kept beating myself up and feeling that terrible feeling where you replay it in your head over and over.

In the midst of this, I was able to talk it through with Rob and share with some co-workers at our All-Staff Prayer time. I could really feel the Lord using this situation to teach me more about myself and more about His beauty. I took away two important lessons:

1I don't expect myself to mess up. It's like I think one day that I will just stop making mistakes, stop sinning. I think this comes from being somewhat of a perfectionist. I fix a bad habit or learn humility in one way, and I subconsciously think that I am on my way to perfection. And then it crushes me when I realize I've messed up again. I've let myself down. Worst of all - I've let others down (this is seriously the worst for a people-pleaser). And I can barely lift my hands toward the Lord because I am so ashamed of how I've let Him down.
Lesson: I will always mess up. I am imperfect, sinful, selfish, clueless, and... downright clumsy. :) I will never stop making mistakes.

2. I need to learn lesson numero uno so that I can rejoice in the grace that has been given to me. I find myself getting SO wrapped up in the failure I see inside me, that I can't move past it and embrace the forgiveness and love that is freely mine. Even when I sin, God wants to redeem and use it as an opportunity to see more of His beauty, glory, and righteousness. But when I am so self-consumed in what I lack, I miss the beauty before me.
Lesson:  I will always mess up but PRAISE JESUS - He loves me anyway. There is nothing I have done or could do that would make God love me any less. He sees the mistakes I'll make and He loves me the same. I will never be perfect, but Jesus is and that's enough for me.

My prayer is that the Lord will continue to show me (and you) that our perfection is not important - Jesus' is. I've been praying this verse below - right now, I choose to rejoice in my weaknesses and thank God for them. I am confident (because of the Spirit's work in my life) that one day my heart will overflow naturally with praise when I see His strength in the midst of my weakness.


  1. Nicole, thank you for your vulnerability and transparency. God is using this to point people to Him. Thank you for letting Him use you this way.

  2. Courtney - thank you for your sweet, kind words!! I love you, friend!


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